My Diary
04-11-15
S#$t Just Got Real
My name is Robert Frank Martin. My
friends call me Frankie.
I am 38 years old. Married with 2
kids. Both boys. College Graduate. Member of the work force since
1993.
Yesterday I did something stupid. I
quit my job. (Yes, but that's not important right now. I'll go into
the particulars of that in a later blog.)
If this was a movie about my midlife
crisis. You'd be in the front row.
So... yeah..., as of today I am 38
years old. Married with 2 kids. College graduate. Un-employed.
Why did I do it? As I said earlier we
can go into the particulars some other time. The only thing that is
important, is that I made the decision because I was extremely
un-happy. With every aspect of my life. When I take stock, nothing
in my life made me happy. It's all on the wrong side of the
ledger...
My health, Money, Debt, Fitness, Our
Home, My Marriage, My Kids, and anything I can't think of right now.
Nothing makes me happy.
The last two are what worried me
though. Here's the deal, I love my wife and children more than
anything in this world. That's not hyperbole. They are the reason I
live where I live, (used to) work where I work, and do pretty much
anything else. But lately, I have grown to resent that I give up so
much for them. It's not their fault. This is the bed I made. The
truth is, if I had had this epiphany twenty years ago I might not
have been in this situation. But I was young and dumb then.
Now I am just old and dumb.
I can't get up in the morning without
feeling exhausted. I get up early because either the kids are up and
yelling at my wife or me or, I have to be at work extremely early.
While I try to get ready for work, I
make breakfast for the kids, (just coffee for me) help the kids get
dressed and ready for their day. Normal stuff right? Well, not if
my wife is sleeping at the time, then I just get plain mad. Even
though I know she's just as tired, from working late the night before
until 11pm, I resent the fact I am not lying in bed.
By the time my running around is done,
the kids are in front of a TV, My wife is dragging herself out of
bed, and I am somehow dressed and ready to leave for work.
Quality time spent with children =
approximately 5 minutes.
That's just the first hour of my day.
I know everyone goes through something similar. It just makes me
miserable.
So I decided to write about it. I am
not a good writer. I just have been doing it in some form or another
since my freshman year of college. It's always been therapeutic for
me. So, I am hoping it can help me now.
This blog won't be about “the right
way to raise kids, have a career and babies, or cultivate a marriage.
Like I learned most of the lessons in
my life... It will be about a way “not to do things.”
Use these passages to judge what is
right or wrong for yourself. But no matter what you are going
through. Know you re never alone. There are others who are just as
miserable.
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