Isht Just Got Real

My Diary

04-11-15

S#$t Just Got Real

My name is Robert Frank Martin. My friends call me Frankie.

I am 38 years old. Married with 2 kids. Both boys. College Graduate. Member of the work force since 1993.

Yesterday I did something stupid. I quit my job. (Yes, but that's not important right now. I'll go into the particulars of that in a later blog.)

If this was a movie about my midlife crisis. You'd be in the front row.

So... yeah..., as of today I am 38 years old. Married with 2 kids. College graduate. Un-employed.

Why did I do it? As I said earlier we can go into the particulars some other time. The only thing that is important, is that I made the decision because I was extremely un-happy. With every aspect of my life. When I take stock, nothing in my life made me happy. It's all on the wrong side of the ledger...

My health, Money, Debt, Fitness, Our Home, My Marriage, My Kids, and anything I can't think of right now. Nothing makes me happy.

The last two are what worried me though. Here's the deal, I love my wife and children more than anything in this world. That's not hyperbole. They are the reason I live where I live, (used to) work where I work, and do pretty much anything else. But lately, I have grown to resent that I give up so much for them. It's not their fault. This is the bed I made. The truth is, if I had had this epiphany twenty years ago I might not have been in this situation. But I was young and dumb then.

Now I am just old and dumb.

I can't get up in the morning without feeling exhausted. I get up early because either the kids are up and yelling at my wife or me or, I have to be at work extremely early.

While I try to get ready for work, I make breakfast for the kids, (just coffee for me) help the kids get dressed and ready for their day. Normal stuff right? Well, not if my wife is sleeping at the time, then I just get plain mad. Even though I know she's just as tired, from working late the night before until 11pm, I resent the fact I am not lying in bed.

By the time my running around is done, the kids are in front of a TV, My wife is dragging herself out of bed, and I am somehow dressed and ready to leave for work.

Quality time spent with children = approximately 5 minutes.

That's just the first hour of my day. I know everyone goes through something similar. It just makes me miserable.

So I decided to write about it. I am not a good writer. I just have been doing it in some form or another since my freshman year of college. It's always been therapeutic for me. So, I am hoping it can help me now.

This blog won't be about “the right way to raise kids, have a career and babies, or cultivate a marriage.

Like I learned most of the lessons in my life... It will be about a way “not to do things.”

Use these passages to judge what is right or wrong for yourself. But no matter what you are going through. Know you re never alone. There are others who are just as miserable.