Got this from an article on procrastination... Thought it was a good launching point for a blog.
One of the age old arguments parents have with their children is over "making their bed."
Here's an example:
"My mom would ask me to make my bed before going to school. I would say, no, because I didn’t see the point of making my bed if I was just going to sleep in it again that night."
Our kids will always have a reason why they should not do something. As parents we must find a reasonable reason.
"She would say, well, we have guests coming over at 6 o’clock, and they might come upstairs and look at your room."
A stretch... but a good start.
"I said, I would make my bed when we know they are here. I want to see a car in the driveway. I want to hear a knock on the door. I know it will take me about one minute to make my bed so at 5:59, if they are here, I will make my bed."
Let me tell you why I don't have this problem. I'll start with a story.
After staring at the popcorn chicken one more time... My famished five-year old son finally turned to me and said, "Dad I am so hungry, but I don't want to break the rules. What do I do?"
We were an hour into play practice (for RATCO's presentation of Charlotte's Web) and TJ was hungry. He wanted to eat the snack I packed him, but the facility's rules clearly stated no food or drink inside the theatre.
Your thinking to yourself... "Self, what's the problem? Eat the snack."
Not in our family. You see my son is what I like to call "Fairy-Tale OCD." He tries to never do anything wrong. Out of fear he will be a bad kid.
I know, right? Awesome.
Well not so fast. There are issues when your kid tries to do no wrong. Issues like finding out how slack and undisciplined you're life has turned out to be.
Knowing I wasn't able to walk outside with him to eat, my son was in a tough spot.
Should he stay and break the rules or go outside alone and eat? Which he was scared to do alone.
Naturally, I responded to my son by saying, "Go ahead and eat it. You won't get in trouble. No one cares today."
TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE Parenting!
My son will do anything you tell him, if he knows it will not get him in trouble. I just instructed him to break the rules. It may have been minor on that day, but was it the right decision?
Once again he is five years old. Did I just give him the "you get to be lazy, when it is convenient" card?"
It takes us back to the story at the beginning of this post. If rain was in the forecast and I told you to, "wash your car." Would you do it? Knowing full well later in the day, the effort would be wasted?
So how do you tell someone to make their bed, when the at the end of the day, that effort will be wasted?
What is the motive behind your reasoning?
Where is that parenting handbook again?
Read more: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/why-procrastination-is-good-for-you-2102008/#lMamS16663YKg21l.99
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Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Why do I Waste my Time?
I got to my desk with an abundance of
energy. Ready to not only tackle the day, but rip it's heart out.. And then it happened, while checking the news feed, I noticed a
headline for the “13
Most Depressing Movie Endings of All-Time.”
Game. Set. Match.
I proceeded to click the link and
delve into their list. 35 minutes later, I had 4 new browser
windows open, hadn't thought of starting work... and was frankly less
energized and eager to do so. My procrastination/time wasting
had sucked the life and ambition out of me.
Does this ever happen to Mark
Cuban?
Does he know the ending of the
Wicker Man made the “Most Depressing” list?
Sadly, this was a pattern I had
repeated over and over in my life. Wasting 30 minutes here or
there... Actions that cause me to be late for work or meetings.
Actions that limit my time to perfect a project I am working on.
But why? Why do I keep dong
this to myself?
Does Drew Brees procrastinate?
By definition a procrastinator is
someone who puts off doing things – that should be done in a timely
manner. I am not really a good example of this, as I turn in work
before deadline, pay my bills on time and get my Christmas shopping
done before December 24th. Sure I am five minutes late
here and there... But as a minority, isn't that what we do? That was
a joke.
What isn't' funny is the guilt I feel
after I waste 30 minutes on a website that has no value
to my everyday life.
A La the “Most
Depressing” list.
Am I wrong to rake myself over the
coals? Aren't we supposed to love life and live it to the fullest
without regrets? Well, I am not there. I seem to live with regret
for not fulfilling each and every item on my list of goals. Is that
realistic?
Surely, Donald Trump, President
Obama and even Oprah have had their series of time wasting clicks.
How do they overcome them?
Maybe I can google it. Wait... “8th
Grader throws down insane dunk.”
I'll get to it later.
If you want to read more on the
subject. Here are a few articles to get you started:
Why
we procrastinate – Psychology Today
People
who procrastinate aren't lazy – Elite Daily
Famous
Procrastinators – Procrastinus.com
Why
Procrastination is good for you – Smithsonian.com
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Timing of Life
What we're talking about today:
Talking about Work... Sucks
I rose for my seat, lifted my middle
finger and said, “fuck you, fuck this place... and fuck everything
this place stands for... I quit.”
While it's no secret I quit my job.
For the sake of this blog, I haven't divulged exactly how the episode
went down.
For the sake of transparency... It didn't happen like
above.
No cussing, no rage, nothing like the first sentence of this
post... that, is what we call in the business, was a hook. But I did walk away from a regular,
full-time gig that paid $58K per year. And that is all that matters
for the sake of this article. We'll get to the gritty details of
“quit day” soon enough.
It's different to have a career and to
work full-time. Garbage men work full-time, being a social worker
for an at-risk youth group is a career. The prior probably pays
more... The latter, might be more fulfilling. Unless you are a
dirtbag and like grunge.
Why am I bringing up the obvious? I
guess it's because I finally realized why I struggled so much with
the real world bullshit of having to work full-time. I just didn't
get why I was doing it. Living pay check to pay check is not every
college graduates plan. But sadly, it's most of our reality. I have
shit ton of student loan money left to pay and I have been a
professional for 15 years. Why keep at it?
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Trip to the Library!
This is how our trip to the library
went.
As soon as we crossed the threshold of
the computer lab... Frankie shit his pants.
I can only imagine how the other lab
patron felt. If I had known how our trip to the library was going to
turn out like this, we wouldn't have gone. But I thought... (famous
last words right?) thought I had a plan. Everyone has a plan until
your toddler shits his pants.
Planning
You know, if you google “Planning
activities to keep toddlers busy,” all that comes up is
ideas for highly interactive and dirty activities. Anything from
making your own play dough to something called a paper explosion.
And there's next to nothing in way of tips to help me get work done.
When I planned our day, I took this
into account. I also took into account that a trip to the library to
watch dad work at what is normally dinner time... was way out of our
normal routine. And kids love routines. Especially mine. So I
hatched a plan. I tried to bring things that would create a safe and
still exciting space for the kiddos. Crayons, activity books, DVDs,
two toys each... The perfect plan.
I even took the environment into
account. The night before our excursion, I checked to see if we'd be
alone in the lab. The librarian said we would. So, I had hoped TJ
and Frankie could draw, color or watch a DVD on my lap top, while I
edited on the community Mac station.
Unfortunately, when we entered the
library, I noticed someone else was using the room. “Great,” I
thought. And for a moment I thought about just walking out. But, I
had to get some stuff done. So we pressed on. We should have just
left. You see I never planned for someone else to be in the lab with
us. The activities I could have used to temper my children's energy
were rendered invalid. Because I am often loud and distracting,
every trick in my dad handbook goes out the window.
What you are left with is me working
with one eye on the computer and the other on the kids. I was
passing out shushing and “ looks” like Magic Johnson dished out
basketballs in his prime.
So naturally, after 45 minutes... I
realized I wasn't going to win. Kids are kids. They aren't supposed
to worry about other people working in a library. Maybe next time
they will have a higher level of understanding...
Until then, I'll be going solo.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Chocolate Graham Crackers
They're chocolate graham crackers...
for Pete's sake!
I will never understand other people.
And by other people, I not only mean the jimmy's and the joe's we
work with... I mean my own children.
Just today, I offered my oldest TJ some
chocolate Teddy Grahams. He politely declined.
What?
If the offer had been for M&M's,
Oreo's or anything with the word “cookie” in it, best believe the
answer would have been yes.
So why does he not want these tasty
Chocolate Teddy Graham crackers?
The child's mind is a fickle thing.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Isht Just Got Real
My Diary
04-11-15
S#$t Just Got Real
My name is Robert Frank Martin. My
friends call me Frankie.
I am 38 years old. Married with 2
kids. Both boys. College Graduate. Member of the work force since
1993.
Yesterday I did something stupid. I
quit my job. (Yes, but that's not important right now. I'll go into
the particulars of that in a later blog.)
If this was a movie about my midlife
crisis. You'd be in the front row.
So... yeah..., as of today I am 38
years old. Married with 2 kids. College graduate. Un-employed.
Why did I do it? As I said earlier we
can go into the particulars some other time. The only thing that is
important, is that I made the decision because I was extremely
un-happy. With every aspect of my life. When I take stock, nothing
in my life made me happy. It's all on the wrong side of the
ledger...
My health, Money, Debt, Fitness, Our
Home, My Marriage, My Kids, and anything I can't think of right now.
Nothing makes me happy.
The last two are what worried me
though. Here's the deal, I love my wife and children more than
anything in this world. That's not hyperbole. They are the reason I
live where I live, (used to) work where I work, and do pretty much
anything else. But lately, I have grown to resent that I give up so
much for them. It's not their fault. This is the bed I made. The
truth is, if I had had this epiphany twenty years ago I might not
have been in this situation. But I was young and dumb then.
Now I am just old and dumb.
I can't get up in the morning without
feeling exhausted. I get up early because either the kids are up and
yelling at my wife or me or, I have to be at work extremely early.
While I try to get ready for work, I
make breakfast for the kids, (just coffee for me) help the kids get
dressed and ready for their day. Normal stuff right? Well, not if
my wife is sleeping at the time, then I just get plain mad. Even
though I know she's just as tired, from working late the night before
until 11pm, I resent the fact I am not lying in bed.
By the time my running around is done,
the kids are in front of a TV, My wife is dragging herself out of
bed, and I am somehow dressed and ready to leave for work.
Quality time spent with children =
approximately 5 minutes.
That's just the first hour of my day.
I know everyone goes through something similar. It just makes me
miserable.
So I decided to write about it. I am
not a good writer. I just have been doing it in some form or another
since my freshman year of college. It's always been therapeutic for
me. So, I am hoping it can help me now.
This blog won't be about “the right
way to raise kids, have a career and babies, or cultivate a marriage.
Like I learned most of the lessons in
my life... It will be about a way “not to do things.”
Use these passages to judge what is
right or wrong for yourself. But no matter what you are going
through. Know you re never alone. There are others who are just as
miserable.
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